life radiates from within...
I must admit, after coming to terms with being a fantasy addict (which as far as I'm concerned incorporates sex, love, romance) I went silent. Nothing was wrong per say, I just needed to go in the cave and be still. I wanted to lick my self-created wounds in privacy and not be commented on.
Unable to work on my memoir because it no longer made sense with my new found self-diagnoses, I wondered if it wouldn't just end up another great idea I wouldn't finish and did it matter? I have so many journals filled with words, I have finally started throwing my writing away.
And then quite suddenly all of my fantasies were gone...pop.
Who am I?
I am still assimilating. I am clearer than I've ever been. I am quiet. Slowly I am learning to write because I enjoy it, in the moment with no expectations.
I wake up every morning, I give thanks, I walk my dog, I write, I drink tea, I meditate, I wake up Cole, I drop him off at school, I go to work. The evenings have a similar routine.
But it is in this routine that I have found everything I could ever want. There is nothing lacking. Even if my house were bigger with an Oscar sitting on the mantel holding up the book I'd published, with an adoring husband waiting to kiss me good-night -the routine would be the same, I would still be there, nothing would have truly changed. This is what it means to chop wood, carry water. I've never understood the term before.
Life radiates from within...always.
Comments
I love it that I popped over yesterday to enquire about your wellbeing and then this morning I wake to a post.
I am so happy for you that you are feeling good.
I love your writings. I love they way you tell a personal story.
I think that the process in any creative pursuit is meant to be enjoyed, otherwise what is the point. Once you have a finished product it leaves you and you leave it.
I hope you can make time to share here on your blog as it is always a pleasure to visit with you.
be well
have fun and keep on loving that beautiful tall boy of yours.
xx robyn
now we see what fills the space.
ps don't throw that memoir away just yet. i've put mine aside too and i am going to be interested to read it again in a few months, or whenever beyond then
really really glad to hear from you.
tsupmwah stacey!