LOVE+JOY=DEATH

“I don’t want you to die,” Cole said leaning over me as I laughed. 

“Why would you say that?” I asked, wrestling him to the ground. 

“I see you as a happy, living woman and I don’t want it to end.” 

Cole, my son, is ten and already equates moments of pure joy with death.  Is this what keeps us from loving fully? The fear of death?

I recently finished Dr. Eben Alexander’s book, Proof of Heaven: A Neurosurgeon’s Journey into the Afterlife and felt the same idea was the silent undercurrent of the book, pure love equals the feeling of death. 

And perhaps it is a death of sorts, an ego death. 

Who will I be if I love that much?  Will I be destroyed?  Disappear? Can my heart take it?  

So we live our lives in fear and in response to the fear, we protect. 

We go into an ego cocoon. Where we are not present to the world.  Living in a tiny space inside our heads of self absorption, afraid of being present.  We are afraid if we are present to the world we might be triggered or we fear what might come at us. Looking to the mind to find zones of safety creates suffering. 

Often when a client steps into the round pen with a horse, they try to do the work from their head’s. They believe they can think the horse to move but creation comes through the heart, through the divine, the will, the drive. What is created from the mind is created from the ego and is sticky and often muddled so the horse stands still and does nothing. 

We are all born capable of pure love but it slowly decreases as we make our way through the world.  Sometimes becoming bitter and there is no return from bitter.  

So how do we stop creating walls?  

First, we become aware of the fear, acknowledge it and move into it.  We realize it isn’t so scary after all and each time we do this, we get closer to our soft juicy centers. 

I don’t know about you but I would rather die by pure love than live a life of quiet mediocrity.  I live, loud and passionately and boy, oh boy do I make “mistakes” but I own them unabashedly.  I’d rather stumble on my dancing feet than not dance.  

“There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth..not going all the way, and not starting.” -Buddha