Mt. Everest...

We all have our Mt. Everest's to climb, whether it be to find a new job, quit a job, travel the world, swim across the English channel, stop drinking, stop smoking, get out of an abusive relationship or write a book.  It is whatever takes  tremendous effort, focus, will power, and requires us to face our greatest fear -failure. We all have a Mt. Everest -even if you think you don't, you do and if you really don't, you've checked out of life so getting back into life is your Mt. Everest.

My Everest, if you haven't guessed already is writing a book. Those of you who have been reading my blog are probably thinking, but you've been writing? You've been working on this book.  What's the big deal and why NOW? Well, let me tell you, in the past couple of months I've had a tremendous shift.  One I can only compare to the Magnetic Poles actually reversing on Earth.  It was subtle, no big KAPOW! But it has left its impact all the same.

I won't go into the nitty-gritty details but I will say this, that the constructs I've used all my life to cope are gone -disappeared like someone pulled a tree out of my psyche with all it's roots and nothing is left except the erasure and barely that.  My former self is a shadow.

Now you are probably wondering, what were your constructs and what does it have to do with your writing? One of my constructs, which you already know about was believing that a man was going to save me.  I really believed that my life would not be complete until I was with someone -that I wouldn't fit in, have enough money and wouldn't be accepted.  This is gone and it is HUGE.  I honestly from the depth of my soul no longer depend on a man showing up.  I'm open to it but I'm not wanting.  This fantasy is dead.

The other construct I had was that someday I would write something that would change my life -make me rich, save me, finally I would be seen and accepted. My focus was on being saved by my writing, which in turn meant getting published.  Yes, I had done all the work, taking classes, etc.  but the intention was in the wrong place.

Only recently has it landed in the right place. I no longer need the book to be published, if it does -GREAT! But I'm writing this book because I have to.  The story has been given to me as a gift from the Universe and I must write it.  My intention is to learn the craft of writing and I mean learn it.  I'm going to jump in and get dirty and hopefully find my voice.  I know the story is good enough.  Now I have to do it justice and play!

And it feels like Everest because for the first time it isn't a fantasy.  It is real and I might fail, the first time, and the second time, and the third time.  The question is will I give up?  And that is the fear because I know if I don't succeed in completing this book with writing that touches my readers and tells my story it is because somewhere I gave up.  

And I don't know if I could live with that...I've been given my Everest and there by the grace of God, I will reach the summit.