exorcism...

About two months ago, while driving to work I received a text from Luke, the guy I’d been tormented by for the past year with his love game play -the guy I thought I was madly in love with. I had recently told him I wasn’t going to have sex with him again unless we were committed to each other. I felt we had a future, and I couldn’t take the push and pull.

Around the same time, I was also seeing The Captain again but just as friends. Although I new he wanted more. The Captain had fallen madly in love with me last fall and I thought I was in love with him but I wasn't. It was wishful thinking. Mia had told me a man would open my heart in October. When he popped in around October  I thought he'd be the one and he was. He was the one to show me a different kind of relationship, one based in friendship, trust, love and my heart did open but he wasn't the "one." There wasn’t chemistry and too much baggage.

I open Luke’s text. It reads, “I’m dating my x-wife again...thought I should tell you. After all you have been a great influence and teacher as well.” I throw my phone in my purse.  My hands shake. I pick it up again and start writing something nice and supportive even though I am shaking with anger or sadness.   Every emotion rushes through me like a line of cocaine racing threw my veins to my heart. I call Mia but she is sleeping and in her soft mew mew voice tells me to call back.

I text, “Be well...good luck.” But I know this is probably going to be the last time I ever speak to him so why hold back? Somewhere deep down inside me, I can honestly see how fucked up I am for even caring if he goes back to this woman. A woman who kept is child from him as punishment.

A few minutes later I write another text, “Just remember a leopard doesn’t change its spots. This woman kept you from your son for vengeance. Now you are in bed with her. It is not love. It is image in its truest form...be well. My love to your son who is being used as a pawn.”

He writes back, “lol...”

Then I begin to doubt myself. What if they do think they are truly in love? I’m in image right now with my head way up my ass. Why do I care about this narcissistic asshole? What the fuck?

So I write, “I do pray you both heal through your love for one another...bye,” and I mean it as much as I can in the moment.

His final words to me are, “whatever Stacey...see you.”

That was it. I felt like I had just been through an exorcism –a demon ripped from my body. I was spent, but I also knew it was just the beginning...

stay tuned...