at six...

When I first went to see Mia, we spoke about the age of six, and she asked me what had happened to me around that time. I appeared to be stuck. I said, “I got lost.” I laughed and went on to tell her the story about getting lost after getting off the bus at the wrong stop. Fortunately I was wearing a name badge and an old woman helped me find my way. I can’t imagine putting Riley on a bus and expecting him to find his way. The thought terrifies me and it’s not because I live in Hollywood. I can’t imagine it anywhere. This incident caused me to fear public transportation for years.

Now that Riley is six, I’m paying close attention. I would like Riley to grow up, a well-adjusted human being. I realize he came into this world with his own karma and no one escapes karma, well Jesus did but that’s a different story or a story all together, you choose. I don’t want to be a part of his karma. I want to provide a safe space for him and nurture him and then let him go and work his magic in the world. I don’t want him stuck at the age of six, without any tools, living his life from a wounded place and finding solace in drugs (prescription or non-prescription) and alcohol. I did this and even though it got me where I am today, I’d rather he have a different story.

Riley’s latest thing is “You’re mean!” Whenever he doesn’t get what he wants, this is what he says. It seems to be worse when he gets back from Philip’s. I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve had some time to myself without wrangling a child through breakfast getting ready for school, dinner, homework, bath, and bedtime ritual or if he’s actually saying it more?

Last night I could hear it no more and whenever he said it I sent him to his room. Last night as soon as we got home he wanted to show me a movie on “Star Fall”, an educational computer game from school. I didn’t really want him on the computer because as a special treat we were going to watch ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS and believe it or not, I actually value social interaction with my child. He also had suggested writing Thank You cards for his b-day presents, which I thought was a splendid (and highly educational) idea. I allowed him to show me the game and then I asked him to turn off the computer. “YOU’RE MEAN!” he yelled and then proceeded to throw a big fit.

I sent him to his room and told him he needed to apologize that this not how we communicate with other people or talk about how we are feeling. (I then of course added how we do talk to other people.) I get he’s angry, I’d be angry too if someone was telling me what I could and could not do, but it’s my JOB. My job as a parent is to teach him from my pool of knowledge what works and what does not. His reaction to it is just that his reaction to it, he has a choice, he can say “OK mommy” and we move smoothly through the evening or he can pick a battle and the night becomes difficult.

At times it’s tough to be tough. Sometimes it’s easier, most of the time it’s easier to just give in and say, “Yeah do it” but then what am I teaching him? That when you are exhausted and tired you hide in a video game or TV? Last night was tough. I never lost my cool but by the end of it I wanted him asleep, calm and dreaming -so I could do what I had told him he couldn’t...eat cake and watch TV. I have a lot to learn.