happily ever after...
“You cannot become who you want to be by denying who you are: your deficiencies, competencies, age, health, history, and resources. There's a difference between being unreasonable and unrealistic, demanding versus deluding, and confronting versus ignoring.
Positive thinking is an attempt to deny our truths by leaving us with fantasies. And since our fantasies must die in order for our dreams to come true, positive thinking is a step in the wrong direction.”
Fascinating -especially since I’ve been analyzing the concept of fantasies vs. dreams for the past couple of months. However his concept was a bit different. His was, given what we have, what is really possible? For example, is it realistic that that I get into a “happily ever after” relationship? Not really. I have no track record of this. Honestly I have no track record of anything that resembles a healthy mature relationship. I’ve either been single or “strangled.”
I don’t always speak during these events but that night I did. I hoped for some insight regarding my last relationship. I wanted to know if I got out because of my “image/ego” or was the reason I got out valid. “Valid” was the response I got but I also got the question, “Are you okay with the possibility of no relationship?” Now, if Breck had asked me this a year ago, I would have pouted and cried. Or even worse I would have poo-pooh’d the very idea as blasphemy. But now, I can honestly say, “Yeah, I’m perfectly okay with the possibility I will not be in a relationship.” This is quite a break through for a desperate girl who thought a man would make her happy. I have found so much freedom. This shift has been amazing…death to the idea that happily ever after can only happen with a prince.
My life is about being fully expressed. Perhaps one day I’ll meet a man who turns me on and I turn him on and we do pretty good together so we both stick around but until then, I’m happy and I’m done thinking I’m going to be any happier when I get me a husband.
Comments
thank you for your openess, it really helps;)
it doesn't mean that positive thinking is negative, but you do have to recognise the other side of the coin.
freedom is a simple thought in the mind... and it sounds like your thinking free ;)
love to you Stacey
and thanks again for all that you share. x ribbon
and let me be the first to say,...
having a husband isn't a garden path to happily ever after... :)
10 years ago I was coming out of a long and extremely challenging time in my life. I suffer from bouts of severe clinical depression.
I was trapped in a head space where I painted a picture of myself being somehow unworthy, or too tied-up in knots to have a girlfriend.
At that point (the fall of 1999) I realized I was doing okay emotionally. And I said to myself - actually I DECLARED to myself - that it didn't matter. I was fine, I was a perfectly wonderful person, and my value or self-worth as a human had NOTHING to do with having a girlfriend. It was an even-keeled thing to say, and I meant it.
Later that day (yes - that SAME day) I met a woman named Cara, without any fear or trepidation I asked her out, we got along wonderfully, and we had a beautiful relations hip that lasted about 9 months. The break-up was healthy and uncomplicated. Looking back, she was the one perfect person for me in that chapter of my life. She was kind and supportive, and I feel like I was my *best self* during those magical months.
She still lives here in town, and we are still pals.
I wish you happiness and love always.
Big hugs!!
Every other bond is just an approximation.
At times, it feels perfect.
Most times, it comes close.
Some times, it comes apart.
If it comes apart,and it takes too long or too much energy to keep together, it is not meant to be together.
Gee, maybe I should be doing the workshop.
Nah! That means going back to work!
Stacey, just be good to yourself!
I am ssoooo much with you. I do not need a man in my life to be and feel fulfilled...As times goes by I realize this is so true and am perfectly ok without anyone by my side... but I truly believe in love... forever? NOPE!
;)
Princes are nice, but not always easy to come by. Until yours arrives, just have fun.
Sending you love from the Sunshine State.
your blog is one of my favorites.
love
love
kj
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Ack, that's a cliche.
But it sounds like you have a grip on who you are and what is important to you.
Being in a relationship isn't always the answer. It has to be the right KIND of relationship, something you so eloquently pointed out.
What I wish for you is peace and happiness in whatever form it takes.
Thanks for visiting my blog!