flashback friday (1989)...

November 15, 1989

Sitting in Shakespeare, I can’t stop thinking about last night. What and how do I feel? I’ve been attracted to a man named Brendan for quite some time but have never acted on it because he was too far out – unreachable.

Last night I went to see Brendan’s Senior Production at Cornish. It was an amazing show. Afterwards Kelli, Jason and I were sitting in the Deli when he walked in. I noticed him immediately. He sat across the room. Jason told him what a great show it was and Brendan spoke to Kelli for a minute. I caught him looking at me twice. Once when I was messing with Jason’s sweater and again when I was pulling on my tights.

Kelli and Jason left, followed by Brendan. I was alone when Brendan suddenly returned alone. He stood looking at the posters and then sauntered over to me. I told him I loved his show and we introduced ourselves. I stumbled over my words unable to form a coherent sentence like my tongue was too big for my mouth.

I haven’t felt that giddy in a long time and the energy was indescribable. There was a wanting to know each other but loss of words to do so. Perhaps in time, he is moving in with my good friend Twylla.

Brendan did move in with my friend. We created a lot of memories together. The furniture from my childhood home was their living room furniture. (I can’t remember how that happened.) We celebrated his twenty-first birthday, New Year’s Eve, early career successes and were all frustrated when his bike got stolen.

We never got over being slightly uncomfortable with each other. I always had a crush on him. Once, he offered to help me with my monologue for drama class, I was beside myself - way too shy. Can you imagine Brendan helping me with my acting? Even back then he was a bit of a “star.” He was definitely something special.

When he moved to LA we lost touch. I ran into him in the elevator at Seattle’s International Film Festival a few weeks before I moved to LA in 1997. We exchanged numbers and we spoke a few times when I first moved down but then he got married and became an even bigger success with THE MUMMY.

The last time I saw him was probably five years ago at Gulfstream in Century City. I went up to say hi and as always, my tongue suddenly grew too big for my mouth. I’m sure the guys at the table with him thought it was because he was “BRENDAN FRASER” but I knew it was because it was how it had always been. We reminisced and had a laugh and said good-bye.