community...

When I started blogging two years ago I went by SingleMILF. I started because I wanted to practice my prose writing (I’d only written screenplays) and thought dating as a single mom in LA (which I was doing at the time) would be great fodder. But less than a month after I started my blog, I met a man, fell in love, got engaged, planned a wedding (sent out invitations) and broke up…all within three months. My blog became a diary of sorts, revealing all the inner workings of the emotional rollercoaster I was on - called my life.

At the time I had no idea how to get my blog out there, how to find readers or where I belonged. I wrote in a vortex with fifteen readers on a good day and zero followers everyday. No one ever left comments…but it didn’t matter I had fallen in love with writing and had a daily practice. Every morning I got up, put on warm fuzzy socks, made a pot of tea, sat at my computer and wrote. It was my sacred space, just for me. I always hoped for more readers but I was writing and that was the most important thing.

I wrote daily (for my fifteen readers) taking the weekends off for over a year until that fateful night, March 6th, 2009 when I deleted my blog. (I’ve mentioned this before so I won’t bore you with the details) I was devastated. After that night I lost my rhythm. I was suffering from PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). I couldn’t find my voice. I didn’t know what to write. I couldn’t write about BD (baby’s-daddy) or the Souvenir anymore because they had discovered me. Plus I didn’t want to. I was done bitching about his stupidity (although it is still tempting sometimes). I was lost. For five months I was like this, in a writing coma.

Then one day in a late July, Marla wrote in passing on an email, “You need to start writing again.” And just like that, I did. On Monday, August 3rd, 2009 I wrote “christ consciousness…” and haven’t stopped since. Sure I needed to exercise the atrophied writing muscle a bit but it didn’t take long before I was back up full speed ahead. I still wasn’t sure what I would write about but I trusted it would come.

Now two months later, I’m still writing (loving it) and have found a blogging community.

It’s been interesting no longer writing in a void. My ego has definitely been triggered at times, wanting more “followers,” wondering why so-and-so has thousands, etc. It has been a great lesson. It’s got me thinking, what is enough? Would I really be happier with a thousand “followers”? Let’s say I got a book published, would I be happier? Or would it just lead me to count how many copies had sold, comparing myself to other writers? Would it ever be enough? Then I stopped and remembered that it is the writing that makes me happy. I wrote with few reading for two years, happy as a clam!

Do I love my readers? YES! YES! YES! –but it always comes back to the writing. If I lose my passion for writing, I’m pretty sure I’d also lose my readers.

Thank you all for joining me on my path!