flashback friday (2002)...

Journal entry from August 5, 2002 (I'm 32 and less than two months pregnant)

No Ordinary Girl – an idea for a novel about being pregnant and losing yourself to only find a better gift on the other side.

Hurry! Hurry! I think to myself. I only have nine months. I feel like I’m dying. Nobody’s ever told me that while the baby grows, I slowly die. I will not be the person I was before. I will never be the same, not even if I wanted to be.

I was going to add my current view point or an explanation but decided to let it be. No need to dilute it.
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Comments

Mike said…
Sounds like you were scared. :(
October 23, 2009 at 2:13 PM
Ekanthapadhikan said…
Is that really so? I have seen even more attractive after child birth and stuff. My previous girl friend's mom was definitely much more sexier and beautiful than she was and I can't say she was ever out of shape even after bearing two children.
October 23, 2009 at 2:15 PM
The pale observer said…
Bet you wouldn't trade it for the world, all these years later? :)

It IS really scary when you're pregnant for the first time - the vast unknown future...

Thanks for sharing your excerpt from the past :)
October 23, 2009 at 2:42 PM
Nevine Sultan said…
Hmm, this is a tricky one for me, Stacey. Tricky because I've never been pregnant. That image you attached sends chills up my spine (only because I don't want to be a mommy). You must've been very very scared. But the way you write about your son, I bet there is not a speck of regret, now.

Isn't it the weirdest thing to go back and look at our old journal entries?

You did well not to dilute. Everything here already speaks for itself. Have a fabulous weekend, Stacey!

Nevine
October 23, 2009 at 3:07 PM
Jeanne Estridge said…
My daughter is 36 now, and it's been so long since I was pregnant I don't remember how I felt -- other than ungainly.
October 23, 2009 at 3:10 PM
Stacey J. Warner said…
I was scared and happy but it did feel like a piece of me was dying(metaphorically)...I'm obviously extremely happy now and foreshadowed that a bit with my novel idea...LOL!

There was "a better gift" on the other side.

much love
October 23, 2009 at 3:14 PM
Tabitha Bird said…
I loved being pregnant. It is the after... with new baby and no clue, that I struggled with. then I really felt like I had lost my self. But I have most of me back now. In an even better way than before :)

Loved this post.
October 23, 2009 at 3:44 PM
Anonymous said…
I cant say much having never had a baby....but I find the contrast between the before goom and after beautiful...before you were scared, thinking you had lost something...and now you seem grounded with the realization that you have found one of the things life is all about.....awesome!
October 23, 2009 at 4:02 PM
Susan R. Mills said…
You couldn't have said it better. I was 23 when I found out I was pregnant the first time. Those were some scary times, but I wouldn't trade the moment I first held my darling little girl in my arms for anything. Having children definitely changes us forever whether we like it or not.
October 23, 2009 at 4:24 PM
Zuzana said…
Life is never the same after we have kids, but having them is the meaning with it.;)
Love your Flashbacks.;)
xoxo
October 23, 2009 at 4:35 PM
xxx said…
Yes I understand that point of view...
there's a fine line between knowing and not knowing and then once you know you can't remember not knowing!
Does the knew you really know the old you ;) .... it's all you :)

confused? yeah me too... it's early and I haven't had coffee yet

best wishes x Ribbon
October 23, 2009 at 4:38 PM
Captain Dumbass said…
Good that you let it be. It's a flash back to how you were feeling then.
October 23, 2009 at 5:26 PM
Unknown said…
You are compelling.
October 23, 2009 at 5:29 PM
Rosaria Williams said…
I hope you wrote that novel. It is an unusual perspective, but true and potent.

I also hope that you've outgrown your fears of changes.
October 23, 2009 at 6:09 PM
Gaia said…
I love the idea of bringing new life into this world, so i was more worried then scared. More worried for its health when in my womb and later his or her life when born.

But you are enjoying motherhood and a pretty brave mum too. Bless you .
October 23, 2009 at 6:40 PM
Fireblossom said…
Doesn't any profound experience "kill off" some of who we were before, while creating something new?
October 23, 2009 at 6:43 PM
Chief said…
wow, what a journal entry! you were very in tune with exactly what it feels like, though
October 23, 2009 at 6:49 PM
Lisa said…
I like Ekan's comment :)

Like it or not, you are never the same again.
October 23, 2009 at 6:51 PM
That Janie Girl said…
Hey, Stacey! Thanks for coming by my blog! I know it's crazy over there...so I'll definitely be dropping by for a respite!!

XOXOXOXO
October 23, 2009 at 7:19 PM
Roni Loren said…
I wanted to get pregnant, but then when I actually did get what I wanted, I was totally freaked out. I think your entry is a feeling many of us go through during that first pregnancy. Luckily the gift on the other side is pretty darn awesome.
October 23, 2009 at 8:26 PM
ramesh sadasivam said…
I haven't had such an experience. But I can understand the transformation in you.Thanks for sharing your special moments. :)
October 23, 2009 at 8:34 PM
GEM said…
What a post. I gave birth to our Youngest on my birthday in 2002. A part of me died with each pregnancy/child. I love the body that the kids gave me. I love the new person that they've made me.

Hugs!!
Green-Eyed Momster
October 23, 2009 at 9:06 PM
Ces Adorio said…
Aw Stacey! I would think that one was not dying but giving birth to a new aspect of one's life. Oh yes, we would like to be young and free, but really we are.There are so many women out there who would give the world to go through what we went through, except I agree. I would like to escape the teenage years, particulary being a mother to one precocious, overly confident, devil may-care teenage boy but we all learn. Even my little devil is turning out to be an angel. Still I am looking forward to following the book.
October 24, 2009 at 3:48 AM
Brian Miller said…
mmm...we are thinking on a similar wave length today...except mine is from the guys stand point. even for me it can be scary. i love my boys, but i struggled when we had our first b/c it changes so much. now i would not trade it for the world...thought provoking stacey!
October 24, 2009 at 5:27 AM
Anonymous said…
Just live the experience. It's uniquely yours. Remember you're still sexually alive too, now more than ever. Enjoy your body.

Secretia
October 24, 2009 at 7:42 AM
ladytruth said…
I like that: as the baby grows, you slowly die because you're saying good bye to your old life and your old self and embracing an exciting new one with a new little person.
October 24, 2009 at 10:13 AM
Anonymous said…
I like this view. It doesn't shy away from all the loss that comes with the new gains.
October 26, 2009 at 5:25 AM
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